The L.O.V.E. Acronym

The L.O.V.E. acronym was developed after I found myself working with parents and caregivers who reported struggling with understanding and meeting their child’s needs while facing the challenges presented during the pandemic. I would get questions like, “How do I help my kid? What’s wrong with them?” After further exploration, often times I would notice a child or adolescent client express frustration or fear discussing their concerns to a parent or caregiver which hindered the relationship at home and inevitably caused more anxiety and in several cases resentment. Through hours of psychotherapy sessions, I noted some common themes that these clients would report that paved the way for me to create an acronym to help parents and caregivers navigate difficult conversations with their child while also improving communication skills and the parent-child relationship. Thus, the L.O.V.E. acronym was born:

What do I do when my child is struggling?

L - Listen carefully and actively to what your child is truly saying.

O - Offer support and/or resources only if they ask…sometimes they only want you to listen to them.

V - Validate their concerns (e.g. “I know this year has been very challenging and unexpected. I can certainly understand why you would feel uncomfortable.”)

E - Examine your own expectations!

When children, adolescents or young adults struggle to express their emotions, often times this leads to emotional stunting which overtime can hold them back from being able to carry conversations or develop healthy relationships or boundaries. When we allow them to express their feelings in a safe and non-judgmental environment we empower them to use their voice and advocate for themselves while also problem solving and not be afraid to seek support when they need. Taking these action steps helps them with their decision-making skills and can also help increase their self-confidence. This also enables parents and caregivers to take a look at their own expectations and gain insight into what they want and how this may differ from what the child may want. Healthy relationships start with excellent communication skills and understanding what your own expectations are. When this is understood we can engage with each other and foster safe self-expression and model these virtues to our youth!

Be well.

Dr. Brandy Hughey, LCSW-QS